Valentine’s Day is a couple days away, so I figured this would be a good opportunity to discuss being a squirrel in a relationship.
I can’t speak for all of us, but I can share my perspective and personal experiences.
Maybe, I’ll even be relatable?
First, I want to talk about “patterns”. I just recently realized I had a pattern. Basically my pattern was to find someone I really liked, get into a passionate relationship and then destroy it before it destroyed me.
I’m still not entirely sure why I would do this over and over and I don’t want to waste an entire blog on analyzing my behavior—that’s what therapy is for. However, recently I did some research and I figured out why I possibly behaved this way.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a fairly new topic and kind of a big deal in the ADHD community. It’s one of ADHD’s hidden symptoms. Some signs of RSD include:
Being easily embarrassed
Having low self-esteem
Problems with relationships
Anxiety in social situations
Setting high standards for yourself that you can’t meet
These are just a few of the super fun things that go with this condition—because not being able to focus wasn’t fun enough!
All my life I was dealing with this and didn’t realize it was part of ADHD. I just thought I was super sensitive and weird. I tried my best to hide it because I knew it didn’t seem normal. Sometimes it got the best of me—well, a lot of times it did.
I started realizing that I had a terrible fear of failure and that carried into my relationships. So, instead of letting the guy figure out I was a mess, I would break up with him before he could figure it out.
So, even if I was madly in love, I found something to hyper focus on that I didn’t like about him and ended it. Which then led to me regretting it and pulling him back in only to break up with him again. I’m apologizing now to all the guys that I took on the “Dana coaster”.
Now, I want to talk about long term love. This is a little personal for me because I’m married, but it’s something that needs to be discussed.
Having ADHD means I lack dopamine. I’m always looking for a high. What’s one of the best highs in the world—falling in love. Yes, that crazy time when you first meet someone and everything is a mystery, sexy and fun. Eventually though, that ends and your left with the day to day. Which can also be just as wonderful. The key is to make sure you marry someone who understands you. Someone who can match your energy and passion for life. More importantly though, someone who is willing to forgive you—because you make mistakes and having ADHD means you make more than the average person.
Am I being mean? No, I’m being realistic. The key to happiness in my opinion is understanding who you are and accepting that your a human with faults. Also, making sure your life partner is aware of these faults and your needs. A squirrel has to be extra selective.
Lastly, I want to say this. I realize being a squirrel comes with a lot of crap. Most of my blogs are about our struggles. Not everything is negative though. If you’re lucky enough to be with a squirrel, just know you will never be bored. You will never question if you are loved. You will never feel alone. We love hard and we love forever. Even when we fight with you we rarely hold grudges—let’s be honest, we can’t focus long enough to hold one. 😂
I hope you all have a very happy Valentine’s Day. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I appreciate you!